LEADERSHIP LIBRARY

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The Coaching Habit

Michael Bungay Stanier

 

IN BRIEF

In this book, Michael Bungay Stanier shows how leaders can integrate coaching into their day-to-day practice, which helps employees build skills and gain autonomy faster than telling them what to do.

The 7 Coaching Questions

 

The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”

The AWE Question: “And what else?”

The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”

The Foundation Question: “What do you want?”

The Lazy Question: “How can I help?”

The Strategic Question: “If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?”

The Learning Question: “What was most useful for you?”

Key Concepts

 

TERA Quotient (pp. 121-2)

  • Tribe—if the brain believes you are with me, and not against me, TERA goes up

  • Expectation—“Do I know the future of don’t I?”

  • Rank—“Are you more important or less important than I am?”

  • Autonomy—“Do I get a say or don’t I?”

If you can reduce the TERA Quotient—by forming connection, setting expectations, making yourself equal to people, and giving autonomy—you are more likely to get through to them. 

Saying Yes Slowly

“Bill ‘Mr. Simplicity’ Jensen taught me that the secret to saying No was to shift the focus and learn how to say Yes more slowly. What gets us in trouble is how quickly we commit, without fully understanding what we’re getting ourselves into or even why we’re being asked. Saying Yes more slowly means being willing to stay curious before committing. Which means asking more questions:”

“Why are you asking me?

“Whom else have you asked?

“When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?

“According to what standard does this need to be completed? By when?

“If I couldn’t do all of this, but could do just a part, what part would you have me do?

“What do you want me to take off my plate so I can do this?” (p. 168)

Quotables

 

“When you’re talking about people, though, you’re not really talking about them. You’re talking about a relationship and, specifically, about what your role is in this relationship that might currently be less than ideal.” (p. 43)

“Stop offering up advice with a question mark attached.” (p. 76)

“But even if you do know what you really want, what you really really want, it’s often hard to ask for it. We make up reasons about why it’s not appropriate just now to make the request; it’s because the timing’s not right, or the person’s only going to say No, or Who are you anyway to make such a boldfaced ask? What we want is often left unsaid.” (p. 112)

“But a Yes is nothing without the No that gives it boundaries and form.” (p. 164)

“Your job as a manager and a leader is to help create the space for people to have those learning moments.” (p. 188)