“What I Hear You Saying is…”
In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had several conversations in which I’ve used a version of the phrase “What I hear you saying is…” as a coaching move.
In one instance, a leader opened our call with a long description of an issue he’s been experiencing with his boss. In his story’s journey, there were plenty of twists and turns and detours into cul-de-sacs.
Finally, I interrupted to say, “Can I play back what I heard you say? You are not aligned with your boss on expectations, and your boss refuses to spend enough time to get in alignment on what success is. And the key question is whether you’ll be able to be successful?”
The point of that intervention was to reduce the story to its essence. Usually, one of two things happens. At least 90% of the time, that simple translation is right, and it’s usually obvious what the solution set is. Other times, the person replies, “That’s not quite right,” but they follow with their own insightful statement on the matter.
In another conversation with a prospective client, my version of that statement was: “It sounds like you’re not getting enough sleep to think clearly, you have so many things on your plate that it’s hard to keep them straight, and you’re getting feedback that you aren’t thinking strategically. Is that right?”
The response was, “Well, when you put it that way…”
The resolution to the conversation was that he would try to get a good night’s sleep for two weeks, and each evening, he would email what he wanted to communicate and achieve in the next day’s meetings. If those things didn’t work, he’d call me back.
In both those examples, my skills as a professional coach were useful, but the core skill was being just ignorant enough about the details of the person’s situation to have to dumb it down. Once the “dumb” version of the situation was on the table, the issue was easier for them to solve.
My wife sometimes teases me for being a bad businessperson for turning down potential clients, but many of the situations leaders face really just call for having a “dumb” friend. Solving their challenges is more about describing the problems aloud, and having someone who isn’t close to or invested in the problem ask simple questions for clarification.