The Get-To : Have-To Ratio
In last week’s post, I argued that work-life balance challenges result from a lopsided ratio of “things that feel like work” to “things that don’t” in our lives. I wondered what that ratio was for me, so I labeled a sample of calendar items with Work, Personal, Weekday, Weekend, Have-To, and Get-To and did the analysis.
The first insight was that an almost embarrassing number of my weekday get-tos were Liverpool FC matches.
These matches typically occurred in the heart of that workweek— Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 3 pm. Yet, I watched nearly all of them.
I was initially surprised that almost all those matches had no calendar conflicts. Then I noticed that my midweek doctor and dentist appointments—also scheduled in the heart of the workweek—had no conflicts.
It’s not just the flexibility of being self-employed.I can’t remember ever having to reschedule a medical appointment. I suspect you may share this experience.
Get-tos should claim space on any day. If it’s possible to protect the time for those appointments, why not for whatever is your version of Liverpool FC?
My Get-To share for work was 37%. I thought, “I like my job. Why is the ratio so low?”
I figured it out. It’s “work” because I’m being judged by others. That makes it a have-to, even if the underlying activities are enjoyable. After all, pro athletes still think of playing their games as work. Regardless of enjoyment level, working on someone else’s timeline—and remembering how that affects my energy—led me to classify all of my client service as a have-to.
In contrast, all my get-to work items were parts of projects that I initiated, controlled the schedule, and had a fun collaborator. It’s still an hour-long meeting, but the former is obliged while the latter is chosen.
How can you create projects that enable your work to feel like a choice?
My parenting theory: If the weekend activity doesn’t help Zola and Big Time do math or read better, I’m probably a No. If the activity is playing with the same kids they see every day at recess, I’m definitely a No.
On the weekend, my Get-To share of activities was 87%. Pretty good!
However, if I had said Yes to the kids’ activities, the Get-To share would fall to 53%. That feels uncomfortably close to work.
It’s not just the kid activities. We have a habit of doing laundry on the weekend—another have-to—even though it’s just as easy to do laundry on Thursday, a day when we’re already in have-to mode. We’re voluntarily corrupting our time off!
A day in which you wake up and think, “I’ve got nothing to do today” is loads more restful than one in which there’s even one five-minute obligation on the calendar.
In my personal life, the Get-To share was only 49%. Board service is the reason. Without board service, the Get-To share would be 72%.
I find the work rewarding, but the literal work is experientially equivalent to my other business meetings. The insight: It’s easy to unwittingly make work out of activities we supposedly do for fun.
Attending a board meeting of an after-school tutoring program would feel like a have-to. Being a tutor would feel like a get-to.
Taking Big Time to soccer and being forced to watch a bunch of five-year-olds with little skill or tactical organization is a have-to. Coaching the team—running around myself and interacting with the kids—would feel more like a get-to, even if it required more time.
For me, attending a three-hour dinner party with strangers is a have-to. But spending three days planning, shopping, and cooking for the dinner party I hosted last weekend was a joy, even though it also included people I hadn’t met.
Subtle differences.
Big impact.
What is the ideal Get-To share?
Who knows? But I learned from the analysis that it’s worth asking:
What’s the point of the weekend?
How can I make my have-tos feel more like get-tos?
Why not watch my favorite team play in the middle of the day?