Stay and Have One More Beer
Last Monday, I talked about the problem of substituting metrics for the real goals we desire, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since then.
Of course, one of the biggest problems in avoiding vanity goals is that we live in a culture that celebrates them. For example, we see on social media how other people look, what their job titles are, and what they’re consuming, so we’re prompted to compare ourselves to just those aspects of their lives.
However, we don’t see how they feel and we don’t know whether they’re truly living out their dreams.
But I’d suggest that an even bigger issue is that we’re often surrounded by people who are invested in our vanity goals. Our financial advisor cares more about our assets than our underlying happiness. Our real estate agent wants us to think bigger, never smaller.
Our employers certainly don’t help either. Most bosses never say, “stop working for me and work toward your own goals.” HR designs the promotion timelines and stock vesting schedules to make next year just attractive enough to stay longer.
In So Good They Can't Ignore You, Cal Newport describes this as a key trap for those looking for a more rewarding life when he says, “The point at which you have acquired enough career capital to get meaningful control over your working life is exactly the point when you’ve become valuable enough to your current employer that they will try to prevent you from making the change.”
Even friends and family can hold us back. I’ve NEVER heard more skepticism of my career choices than when I’ve tried to do something new.
In Transitions, William Bridges says that change disrupts our “unspoken agreements,” so others often “try to sabotage the change.” That’s not because they’re bad people; it’s because no one really likes change.
So what’s the solution to those challenges?
For me, solution #1 is a regular reflection routine—time and space to separate from the day-to-day and connect with one’s authentic vision.
But given the cultural forces pushing us along standard, safe, and conventional paths, perhaps we could also use voices that push us affirmatively in the opposite direction.
Basically, we need that friend from college who’d always say, “stay and have one more beer.” (For me, that guy was, and still is, Gerard.)
And it’s that metaphorical “one more beer” that causes us to slightly relax the responsibility reflex and kick off an adventure. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s always fun.
Challenge Question
So with all of the voices arguing for the conventional, who’s in your ear whispering, “dude, that promotion won’t make your life any better,” or “there’s more risk in not pursuing your dream”?
Or