Is Vulnerability Just for White Guys?

In The Culture Code, Daniel Coyle argues that displaying vulnerability is key to building trust. In fact, it must come before trust. 

“Normally, we think about trust and vulnerability the way we think about standing on solid ground and leaping into the unknown: first we build trust, then we leap. But science is showing us that we’ve got it backward. Vulnerability doesn’t come after trust—it precedes it. Leaping into the unknown, when done alongside others, causes the solid ground of trust to materialize beneath our feet.”

Obvious statement alert: Trust is the foundation of effective leadership. So if Coyle is right, all of us should be displaying vulnerability.

This past week, I was a speaker and coach for two different leadership workshops for Black executives. One of the workshops was specifically focused on psychological safety and trust. The other was focused elsewhere, but trust still came up in, of all topics, presenting data on business performance. 

But here’s the thing: participants in those workshops had a very different view of the value of vulnerability as a means to build trust. To paraphrase a common response: “Yeah, I get that vulnerability is important, but as a Black person in corporate America, I can’t afford to do that. You never know who you can trust.”

That was definitely a sad reminder of the issues in the business world, but no one expressed a counter-argument. There were lots of nodding heads on the Zoom screen, and if people weren’t on mute, likely a bunch of “Amens” as well. 

Separately, in just the last two weeks, clients have posed challenges relevant to this point. Generically stated:

“We have an aggressive culture, and people often interrupt. What’s the best way to deal with that?”

And, “Leaders in my company don’t challenge each other openly, even when there are glaring issues with the strategy. How can I fit in and build trust, while also making sure we get to the right answer?”

Those challenges were both posed by Black women. And surely, the ideal solutions would be different if they weren’t Black or if they weren’t women. 

All that leaves me wondering: What other common or foundational approaches to leadership might be wrong for people from underrepresented backgrounds?

By the way, I don’t know the full answer here.

Showing vulnerability has been a cornerstone of my leadership approach, and save The Dictator's Handbook, I’ve never seen an argument for not doing so. But was I wrong about that?

I’ve always known that leadership poses different challenges for people of different backgrounds, but this confluence of scenarios has left me reflecting even more on whether what I believe to be fundamental leadership principles are, in actuality, fundamental. I’m more Monday Questioning than Monday Musing, and inviting you all into that conversation.